“My Ex Is Turning My Child Against Me” — What to Do When Your Kids Get Caught in the Crossfire

Because you deserve peace, your kids deserve safety, and nobody needs their ex turning parenthood into a bloody battleground.

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “My ex is turning my child against me — what the actual fuck do I do?”…you’re not alone. Women ask this every single day. Not because they’re weak, but because this situation is emotionally brutal, confusing, and completely unfair.

And if your ex is pulling this crap? Weaponising emotions? Creating loyalty tests? Putting the kids in the middle? Yeah. That’s what we call parental alienation (or if we’re being clinical, “parental alienating behaviours”). And it is one of the biggest mind games a toxic ex can play.

But here’s the part they never expect:

You can navigate this with emotional strength, fierce boundaries, and a level of self-awareness they could only dream of.

Let’s break it down in real talk - the way your girlfriends wish family law textbooks were written.

Why Your Ex Might Be Turning the Kids Against You (It’s Not Because You’re a Bad Mum)

When women Google “why is my ex turning my child against me?”, the first fear that hits is: “Is it something I’ve done?”

Spoiler alert:

No. Not even close.

Toxic exes manipulate kids because:

• They want control

• They want attention

• They want to punish you emotionally

• They can’t regulate their own feelings

• They’re terrified of losing influence

• They live for drama like plants live for sunlight

This behaviour is about their wounds, their ego, their insecurity - not your worth as a mother.

You’re not the problem. You’re the target.

The Signs Your Ex Is Trying to Turn the Kids Against You:

(Yes, these are the exact “signs of parental alienation” women search for online.)

1. They guilt-trip the kids for wanting to spend time with you

You’ll hear things like,“Have fun with your mum… I’ll just sit here alone.”

Emotional manipulation 101.

2. They tell the kids “their side” of adult issues

AKA: painting themselves as the victim in a movie no one asked for.

3. They encourage secrecy

“Don’t tell your mum I said this…” RED. FLAG.

4. They undermine your parenting decisions

Kids confused = mission accomplished (for them).

5. They bribe with gifts or treats

Toxic exes love a loyalty test.

6. The kids suddenly parrot adult phrases

When your 7-year-old suddenly talks like a passive-aggressive solicitor? Yeah… that’s not them.

What To Do When Your Ex Is Using the Children as Weapons:

Here’s what women REALLY want to know when they go searching online.

Here’s what actually helps.

1. Stay Calm - Even When You Want to Scream Into a Pillow

You can’t out-chaos a chaotic person. Your strength is in your calm, your consistency, and your refusal to enter the emotional battlefield.

Repeat this mantra: “Not my circus, not my emotional shitshow.”

2. Be the Emotional Safe Space

Kids don’t need you to be perfect - they need you to be predictable.

Say things like: “You’re allowed to love both of us.” “It’s okay to feel confused.” “You never have to choose.”

This neutralises the manipulation without dragging you into it.

3. Stick to the Facts When Talking to Your Ex

When you must communicate, go factual, not emotional. This protects your energy and your case if things escalate legally.

Example:

✔️ “The kids were upset. Let’s keep conversations child-focused.”

❌ “Stop turning them against me, you absolute muppet.”

4. Document Everything (Quietly, Calmly, Without Threats)

Dates, comments, behaviours, sudden changes in the kids’ emotions - write it down. This isn’t about starting a war. It’s about having evidence if you need to protect the kids.

5. Don’t Badmouth Them Back

Even though, let’s be honest… the temptation is HIGH.

You break the cycle by modelling emotional maturity they simply do not have.

6. Get Third-Party Support

A coach, therapist, mediator - someone neutral who helps you stay grounded and supported.

This protects your mental health, which is your superpower through all of this.

7. Remind Yourself DAILY: You Are the Safe Parent

Kids always will gravitate toward the parent who feels safe, stable, calm, and consistent.

Not the one who uses them as emotional chess pieces.

Your ex may “win” moments. But you win childhoods.

How to Talk to Your Child When They’ve Been Manipulated:

Women search for this constantly: “How do I talk to my child when my ex is turning them against me?”

Here’s the answer:

• Ask open questions

• Don’t interrogate

• Validate feelings

• Provide reassurance

• Keep adult conflict out of their world

• Remind them you’re ALWAYS here

Scripts helps, so use this: “You don’t ever have to choose sides. You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel. I’m right here when you’re ready to talk.”

This rebuilds trust - without attacking your ex. It’s emotional ninja-level parenting.

You’re Not Crazy - This IS Emotional Abuse:

Let’s call it what it is: Using children as weapons is emotional abuse.

It’s psychological manipulation. It’s co-parenting sabotage. And it’s a form of post-separation control.

But here’s the part you need to tattoo on your heart:

Their behaviour is NOT a reflection of your ability as a mum. It’s a reflection of their inability to emotionally regulate.

You’re doing better than you think. And your kids feel the difference, even when they can’t say it yet.

Final Word: You Are the Calm in Their Storm

Your ex might be loud, dramatic, manipulative, or emotionally unstable, but YOU are the anchor.

You’re the safe parent. The emotionally steady parent. The parent who shows up, not just when it’s convenient or ego-boosting.

And that is what your children will remember.

You’re not losing them. You’re raising them with integrity, strength, compassion, and resilience that your ex will never understand.

You’re not just reclaiming your confidence. You’re teaching your kids how to rise, too.